Dear Readers:  Welcome to the first edition of Let’s Ask Lisa.  I’ve been handing out wanted (and probably some unwanted) advice for years on everything from dating, to marriage and pre-marital concerns, plus life stuff in general.  In addition to having lived an interesting 60 years thus far, I’ve been married and divorced, been on blind dates, dated guys I met online (have you read my article this month?), been an office manager for the better part of 40+ years … the list goes on.  My point of view comes from personal experiences, as well as dealing with lots of people from many walks of life.  All questions received are shared with anonymity so need to worry about your name being ‘out there.’  I look forward to hearing from you.  There’s a handy contact form you can link to … easy peasy!

With that said, let’s kick it off!!

Dear Lisa: 

I’m in my late 50s and started online dating earlier this year.  I met a guy that I thought might be “the one.”  About three months in, we were hanging out at his place watching tv one Sunday afternoon.  Without saying anything, he got a text message and just took off.  Thinking something had happened to one of his adult children, I called and texted several times to see what was going on.  I didn’t hear from him for nearly two days.  When I finally did hear back, he apologized and said the reason he took off was because the text was from the woman he’d been seeing before me and it freaked him out.  She told him she thought she was pregnant (she’s half his age!).  He drove about 2 hours to meet with her and figure out what was going on.  Anyway, when he told me, I broke down and cried and told him I didn’t want to see him anymore.  A couple days later, I texted him and told him I wanted to talk because maybe I wasn’t being fair and didn’t know the whole story.  We talked for about an hour, during which he told me she wasn’t pregnant after all but was going to go to jail for nine months for a drug possession charge and a DUI.  We decided to see each other again.  It’s been okay, but I’m not sure I can really trust him.  I still feel like he might be the one, though, and don’t want to miss out, if he is.  What should I do?

Signed – In a Quandary

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Dear Quandary:  What would you be missing out on?  Being with a man that leaves you alone at his house without saying a word?  Being with a man you can’t completely trust?  Being with a man that doesn’t respect you, prioritize you?  It sounds to me like you are willing to settle for someone that doesn’t have his own life figured out yet.  I’m pretty sure there’s much more to the story than you’ve shared, but here’s my advice based on what’s been provided.  Move on.  Find a man who truly respects you, one you can trust implicitly.  A man of integrity.  They are hard to find, I’ll grant you.  But they are out there – even on online dating sites!  Be more discerning and allow yourself the opportunity to let the relationship evolve at its own pace, before you decide if he’s “the one.”  I’d also suggest taking some time to figure out why you were willing to settle for this guy in the first place.  Having respect for yourself is just as important as your man having respect for you.  All the best, Lisa.

Ms. Shrefler’s opinions do not reflect the opinions of this publication, or any organizations or agencies referenced within her comments.  Names have been changed to provide privacy.

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By: Lisa A. Shrefler for 82717

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